What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is the measurement of a person’s estimation of their own worth. The most familiar labels on the scale of self-esteem are high self-esteem and low self-esteem.
If you have high self-esteem, it implies that you have confidence in your own nature and abilities. To have low self-esteem implies the opposite.
People with low self-esteem tend to doubt their abilities, and are often hindered by their own low opinion of themselves. However, it is possible to raise your level of self-esteem. When your self-esteem is higher, this makes it easier to deal with negative situations and even to be happy.
There are a number of ways in which we can raise low self-esteem, these include:
- Talking positively to yourself.
- Acknowledging your strengths.
- Changing behavior you are not happy with.
- Treating yourself.
- Looking after your health.
- Taking time out for yourself.
- Taking time to look at the world around you.
- Seeking help and support when you need it.
- Getting to know yourself.
- Face our fears.
- Learn from mistakes but don’t assume that you will fail again.
- Know what you want.
- Reward yourself for achieving something.
- Make your own mind up about people.
- If you fail learn from it and try something else.
- Focus on your strengths and successes and on your positive qualities.
- Don’t compare yourself with others.
- Avoid putting yourself down.
- Accept compliments.
- Approach challenges.
- Get involved with activities you enjoy.
- Associate with confident people.
- Positive feelings about your self can produce better relationships.
Below is a suggested list of personal strengths, highlight any that you think you have. Ask someone else to go over the list and tell you which ones they think you have too. Sometimes other people see more of our strengths than we do
|Compassionate||A good listener||Helpful||Funny|
|Responsible||A good friend||Trusting||Happy|
|Considerate||A team player||Creative||Efficient|
|A positive attitude||Patience||A sense of humour|
|Flexibility||Many friends||Common sense|
|Never give up||Am physically fit|
|Communicate well||Make a difference|
Negatives To Positives
PICs are Positive Inner Comments that you tell yourself every day and NICs are Negative Inner Comments you tell yourself. Negative comments are not good for your self-esteem. To help you with lifting your self-esteem, when you think of a negative comment, try to think of the positives to cancel the negatives out. Now when you are in a situation where you use a negative comment, try telling yourself the positive of the negative.
|NICs Negative Inner Comments||PICs Positive Inner Comments|
|I’m unloved, or unlovable|
|I’m in the way|
|I can’t do it|
|I’m bound to get things wrong|
|I’m not respected|
Some situations that are likely to activate your NICs
- If you forget someone’s name.
- If you forget where you put your keys.
- If you fail an exam/test.
- If you can’t understand a television programme.
- If you don’t ‘get the joke’.
- If someone criticizes your work.
- If you’re on a course and find the work too difficult.
- If you miss a train or bus.
- Boyfriend/girlfriend has to go way on business.
- Boyfriend/girlfriend, boss, colleagues, or friends are angry with you.
- If a relationship ends.
- If you smile at someone and they don’t smile back.
- If you send a present to a friend and they forget to thank you.
- If a family member or friend doesn’t phone when they said they would.
Now try to think about what situations activate your NICs and try not to think about your NIC’s and switch them to PIC’s instead.
Some key points
- Recognise that you have a Negative Inner Commentary that disturbs and upsets you.
- Keep a note of situations that particularly upset you so that you can recognise them more easily and deal with them.
- Try to work out from these situations where your Negative Inner Commentary started.
- Look back at your life to see where your Negative Inner commentary originally started.
- Challenge the truth of the distressing thoughts.
- Acknowledge that those thoughts and feelings evolved into your Negative Inner commentary.
- Challenge the truth of your Negative Inner commentary when you’re in situations that trigger it off.
- Work at replacing the Negative Inner commentary with a Positive Inner Commentary.
1 – I have been told that I have pretty…
2 – The one person that always makes me feel good about myself is…
3 – What I really enjoy the most is…
4 – People often compliment me about…
5 – My friends would tell you I have a great…
6 – My favorite place is…
7 – People say I am a good…
8 – I like myself because…
9 – I consider myself a good…
10 – I have a good sense of…
11 – I look good when…
12 – I am most happy when…
13 – My goals for the future is…
14 – I like the way I feel about myself when I…
15 – I have a natural talent for…
16 – One of the many positive traits I have is…
17 – I feel good about…
18 – I do…
19 – The two things I do best are…
20 – My friends respect me because I always…
21 – I know what I will be successful in life because I will…
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